kd: Uncensored

To Do

2008-11-06T03:37:00.001-06:00

I think it was George who was walking around with a list of crazy inane things he wanted to do before electrical impulses stoped firing off in his brain. I'm bored, nobody is online to entertain me, I'm not tired, I've already worked out... I'm making one of my own. I'll aim for 25, and in no particular order:
1. Knock out that PhD
2. Do this to my hair. (I'm actually working on finding someone who could be trusted to do that right now, so if you Dallas folk know anybody... let me know.)
3. Start up that microbrewery. Tim, George, I'm looking at you. No more talk!
4. Get published in The Economist.
5. Own property in at least one other country. Sardegna is an obvious choice. Australia or New Zealand would be awesome too though.
6. Learn to speak Italian. (This one is on the 2009 list.)
7. Learn to do things with plantains. (Bobby Flay was playing with them today.)
8. Compete on Survivor.
9. Get up the nerves to try my hand at stand-up comedy. (Stage fright is a bitch. General awkwardness around new humans could be a plus though.)
10. Get an awesome camera, learn how to use it, and publish pictorial travel guides to small towns around the world.
11. Solve a rubik's cube in under a minute. I've solved one before... but not in anything close to an impressive time.
12. Get my webcomic back up and running on its own site.
13. Learn to play the drums.
14. Get over my fear of needles and have my wisdom teeth extracted.
15. Get over my fear of needles and get my eyebrow pierced.
(14 and 15 aren't very likely to be happening anytime in the near future.)
16. Learn to change my own oil.
17. Learn to sign.
18. Become a youtube star, and collect my 10 million theoretical dollars.
19. Visit all 50 states... by car. (So far I've got: AL, CA, CO, GA, IL, KY, LA, MA, MN, MS, NM, NC, OK, SC, TN, TX, UT. Suffice to say, there are some states that will be prioritized above others.)
20. Manage a touring band.
21. Open my own one of these. (Alba, I think our hookah lounges across the globe should incorporate the green fairy... just a thought.)
22. Work on honing in my light art skills. (This is something I've been proactive about, but my current camera isn't exactly suited for anything particularly stunning.)
23. Get around to watching: The Goonies, the Die Hard Movies, Princess Bride, Donnie Darko, Nightmare on Elm St movies, the new X-Files movie, Dark Knight, and a laundry list of other movies I seem to be the last person on the planet yet to watch them.
24. Learn how to cartwheel. I think I'm the only girl to make it out of grade school unable to do one. I think...
25. Write a book. I'm not sure what it would be about. There are a number of things I *could* write about.

That's 25.
/end user entry

Weighing in Like Oprah on Thanksgiving

2008-11-03T14:14:00.002-06:00

This. Fucking. Election. is awesome. It's no secret, I'm so sick of politics and politicians and just about anything living that resides within a 10 mile radius of D.C. I could puke. This fucking election is a shining example of a bulk of what I hate about politics in America. (I'm guessing it's not much better elsewhere, but I can't say for certain.) Particularly, the nation is filled with halfwits who get to pool their collective wits together and crown a leader and some cohorts for us all, bestowing on said leader and his political "posse" the ability to coerce me into paying for shit like wooden arrows for children! And on what grounds are said halfwits basing their decision? Good question. Watching the news coverage it looks like a number of very important factors:

a. Clothing. This is very, very important. So important that CNN spent 30 min telling everyone where to go to dress like the potential first ladies and Palin. Perhaps McCain should've consulted Rachel Zoe 2 months ago.

b. Speaking Skills. This is also very, very important. When reporters and pundits use adjectives like "eloquent" and "angry" more often than "competent" and "qualified", I'd say that's a red flag.

c. Rhetoric. An offshoot of b, but certainly a separate thing that voters must consider. Why else would so much time be devoted to talking about how Obama is a Muslim terrorist, and Palin raises slutty daughters!? Although I am torn on who I should blame here. On the one hand, if politicians and pundits bothered to address "the issues" beyond broad sweeping generalizations like, "Obama is in favor of health care!" and "McCain wants to protect America!" I suspect 95% of America would get lost/confused and just switch over to reruns of "Ow! My Balls!" and the remaining 5% would've already done their homework, made up their mind, and the pundits words wouldn't matter to them anyway. On the other hand... catering to stupidity, and repeatedly lowering the poli-intellectual bar so low that even little Forrest Gump could wrap his head around this mess of an election only reinforces existing laziness and breeds future laziness. If you force people to learn to be able to vote, those who care to learn will, and those who don't will either not vote, or statistically will simply cancel each other out a la "Ask the Audience" Who Wants to Be a Millionaire style. Hmmm... this went on longer than it should have, but it really pisses me the fuck off! Yeah. Fuck! Angry rhetoric! Fell my wrath pee-ons and read a fucking book. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

d. Voters *really* care about religion. Guilliani was Catholic and didn't get the vote. But it might have been okay if he had because JFK was Catholic. Does anybody remember anything else news-coverage wise about the man's run at the White House? O! Shit! He had an affair and nutsack cancer too. Is Obama a Muslim? Is he not? Where's Waldo? I don't know! This is so critical!!! And God says that McCain can't win because Palin has boobies, and boobies can't lead churches, families, or countries.

e. Voters care about fuckability. This could be McCain's last shot: A Palin kissing - or fucking - booth outside every poll. Seriously, shirtless dudes with football lettering on their chests are showing up at her rallies. I wonder what would happen if shirtless women were showing up with Obama's name on their tits at his rallies! "Rouge" republicans could show up with Osama's name on their tits. At least this way, when the giant orgy breaks out voters will know they're getting fucked.

And were was I going with all this? Political dissatisfaction I think. The fact that reality television has turned everyone's brains into mush. (I haven't previously mentioned reality television, but this election has all the elements of a hit reality series! It's been Survivor: D.C. all year long. Will Old Man with MILF ally come from behind and win over Cool Black Dude with Nimble Minded WASP? Or will Ron Paul and His Revolution come back for a political mindfuck of a twist-ending the likes of which Jeff Probst has never seen?) Yeah. I hate stupid people, and I hate politicians for enabling them. (I hate politicians for a number of reasons, but if they weren't busy catering to stupid people, maybe I wouldn't hate them??? Unlikely, but not outside the realm of plausibility.) I'd say I'll be glad when the election is over and people STFU about stupid things that aren't political at all, but people act like they are; however, I suspect that no matter who does win, we'll be hearing a lot more about stupid shit that has nothing to do with anything. Yeah.

That's all.

Clarifications

2008-10-27T17:23:00.001-05:00

I've recently been baraged with political inquiries. "Why are you a republican?" in particular. Let's clear up a few things...

1. I'm not a Republican. Politics aren't binary kind sirs, and if you think they are, I suggest you start googling and wikipedia-ing political parties. Because politics are not binary, you can *not* deduce I am a Republican simply because you know I am *not* a Democrat.

2. I do prefer Republicans to Democrats, and I do prefer McCain to Obama, but I do not endorse a majority of the Republican agenda, nor do I endorse a majority of the McCain platform. I simply think it's easier to keep Republicans out of my personal life than it is to keep Democrats out of my wallet, and I think any person who votes to give 100% party control to EITHER side is a dimwitted fucktard. Those of you voting for Obama would be well served to read up on the thought process that went into that silly divide powers/checks and balances thing those crazy slave-owning honkeys came up with ages ago. I'm sure it's just outdated. We can trust the government to control our lives w/o check now... right? Okay, I feel better now. ::cough::

3. I'm not voting for anybody this go around. To those of you who suggest I vote to show some 3rd party love and get funding for the libertarians I say, shame on you. I'm very against public dollars going to fund campaigns, I don't care who for. There is some risk that my vote would contribute to the 5% of all votes requisite, so no 3rd party love. To those of you who suggest I vote McCain to vote against Obama I say, shame on you. Votes are positive. They count towards something. If I could cast a negative vote that would simply counteract an Obama vote, I'd be down with that. He is certainly the greater of two evils. Functionally a vote against A is the same as a vote for B, but in principle they are two different things. I don't endorse McCain, so I'm not going to vote for him. A vote for someone is never a vote against another. Make no mistake about it. To those of you who suggest I vote as part of my civic duty I say, shame on you! You have assumed civic duties exist and worked from there. I say they do not exist, and have never been proven to. To those of you who suggest I vote to exercise my political will/have a say in the political process I say, shame on you! Have you not heard me!? My voice isn't going to be represented. No candidate represents me. Suggesting I vote so that I can feel as if I have had a say in a process that I will inherently not be capable of having a say in by virtue of my position as a political minority is at best offensive, but in reality is so mind-blowingly innane I'm not even sure where to start my critique of that position. I'm not so feeble minded that I will feel placated because I've voted for someone who I don't even support.

4. I don't have a problem with not using tax dollars to fund rape kits. If it's wrong for a victim to pay for it a crime, it's certainly wrong for third party non-victims AND non-criminals to pay for it. (I'm talking about tax payers here.) Please stop telling me Palin's a monster on this account. And please stop assuming I agree with everything she says because I've commented on her being the only personable politician in this mess of an election. She's flippant, can make fun of herself, and isn't an Obamatron. I'm sold. That doesn't mean I'm voting McCain though. Christ.

5. McCain isn't a republican. He's somewhere between a moderate and a conservative Democrat. Anyone behind the bailout isn't a republican/free market capitalist/libertarian/etc. I'm sticking to that story. So while I voted in the Republican primaries - not for McCain btw - I still wouldn't vote for McCain because he's flirting with expansionary politics. (This should likely go somewhere in that mess that is 3... but 3 is a mess.)

6. Stop telling me Ron Paul is crazy and thus libertarians are crazy. I don't say Democrats are crazy b/c Jesse Jackson or John Wylie Price are batshit insane.

I'm stopping now. Class.

Back in Dallas

2008-08-03T14:19:00.001-05:00

I'm back in Dallas. (Fuck you Denton!) While living with my dad is not ideal, given the size of my graduate student loan, rent free is highly desirable. The move wasn't without a series of very unfortunate events though:

1. Originally I was going to move back before a summer debate camp I worked. That did not happen because the water heater exploded at my dad's and nobody found it for 2 days. The back end of the house was under water for that entire time, so the floors and paint had to all be redone. The project was not finished in time for me to move before camp.

2. I found out the hard way that a twin sized bed frame will NOT fit in a jeep.

3. The 31st, my last day in Denton, with about 5 hours of work to do, I was woken up to the sound of all my power being cut off. Sure enough, the water had been cut off too. Seems when I told the city that I needed electricity and water THROUGH 4 or 5pm on the 31st, that translated into, "Could you cut my power off before the sun rises?" After a 45 min phone conversation with the lovely idiots at Denton Municipal Electric, I faced the reality that I was going to have to do everything else without water or electricity in the 105 degree heat. That seriously slowed things down and that 4-5 hour job turned into a 12 hour job. (Note to come regarding the phone call with Denton Municipal!)

4. On the 1st, after I was all moved out, I went to Target to get some cleaning supplies, pulled my key out of the ignition, and only half the key came out. That's right, my key broke off in my ignition chamber. Joy! It will be Monday at the earliest before anybody can have the parts in. Please don't steal my car.

5. On the 2nd, at 10am I took my car to the shop to find out they couldn't fix the ignition until Monday. I asked my dad about a funny smell coming from under the hood of my car and if the repair guys should look at it and he didn't think so. Then I had to drive to Denton to drop off my key - another separate entry about this. I wanted a burger, and when I handed the lady my card in the Whataburger drive through window I heard a loud beep, saw my thermostat zip into the red, and looked up to see smoke pouring out from under the hood of my car. I turned the engine off, men in hairnets and plastic aprons pushed me into a parking spot, and I called my dad. Seems a hose exploded. When I get my new ignition chamber, I also have to get a new hose and a radiator flush.

Hopefully today will be a little less exciting!

Hope There Isn't a Cop Around...

2008-02-03T06:45:00.000-06:00

I don't feel I need to say anything other than I took this picture with my own camera. It does exist. It did not look like there was any sign tampering at this intersection. Looks like a ticket trap to me!

WoW

2008-01-28T20:52:00.000-06:00

I'm a retro-gamer at heart. Tetris was my first love, and some of my fondest gaming memories involve linking TI-83s in AP Physics and playing Tetris while pretending to be listening to Mr. Hurst pretending not to notice what the class of 9 was doing while he lectured on about particle physics and the like. To be sure, I've resisted the wave of cutting edge gaming technology for so long that consoles I once snubbed are now themselves "retro". (See N64 and Neo Geo AES.) Of course, now that they're old enough, and I've acclimated to controlers with more than 2 buttons, I own many 5th and even 6th generation consoles. The Wii is charming enough, and enough fun to play that I find myself constantly tempted to make that purchase and lock myself up for a week playing Wii bowling and tennis for 19 hours at a time. Of course, I'll be sure to wear my wrist strap. Yet, for all my love of console gaming, I'd never been able to force myself to sit at a computer and play anything beyond Spider Solitaire or Hold 'em. Last night, all that changed.

In a 2-for-1 technological special I was first introduced to Ventrilo - a VOIP client/server - and subsequently World of Warcraft. I had warned my technological dealer that I was not the most skilled at multi-button gaming, and that I had never worked with camera angles and zoom features before, but was assured that due to my lack of retardation I should be able to figure it all out.

Around 5am I had a 10 day trial account set up, and was an official Undead Mage, Necrometa:

Two and a half hours later, with much help from a friend, I had reached level 5 - of 70 - and impressed my dear friend with my inability to navigate a 3D gaming environment. (And my seeming inability to walk through doors.)

Hopefully the learning curve is steep.

Cheers!

The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe Stops Here

2008-01-10T03:56:00.000-06:00

I was going to write a long intro for this, and then follow it up with commentary. But I think that the letter is solid enough to stand alone without much more than this: I got the following letter in my inbox on one of the various social networking sites of which I am a member. It seemed worth sharing. Enjoy!

hi im brandon, you sound like a complete geniouse and very happy. My iq test said i was a genious but whatever. anyways ive got a good heart and i come from a nice home. I love astronomy and pcycology, I like to look at the major articles of gods creation.
I see my parter in life very deeply, or Im not in it for the malications. I want many children and much love.

Tramp Stamps, LLC

2008-01-05T22:45:00.000-06:00

That's the name of the company I'm going to open if the band thing doesn't work out and I decide that going back to school is a bad idea. It will be a tattoo parlor - tat house? - that will cater to the sluttiest of the female of the species out there. Skater bois can come too. What sparked this line of rambling? Wednesday night's show at a biker bar in Grapevine.

For those of you living under a rock - or who simply don't know me - I manage one of the many DFW cover bands. Ours is better because nobody in the band is old enough to collect social security or a pension check. We use the cover shows to push the original music while simultaneously getting paid. Is very niiice indeed. One of the things we to promote the band is to mingle with the people who seemed to be digging the music durring a set. The average fan falls into one of two groups: business folk, and drunk ass white bitches - DAWBs. This biker bar was busting at the seams with the later. Typically the DAWBs. all run together and don't stand out as particularly memorable. Wednesday was a notable exception.

The second the first set ended a table of frosted tips and pushed up tits waved the band down. They wanted to talk. There were 5 of them. The first was a hair dresser from Decatur, TX who was sleeping with the second's cousin, who was room-mates with the third. Those three were bffs with an older fourth, and all four recently knighted a much older fifth. Fake bakes and Juicy Couture were plenty, meanwhile overall intelligence quotients were on the Forrest Gump end of things.

Conversation started with requests for the band to play "Pour Some Sugar on Me", "Girls, Girls, Girls", and "Cherry Pie". "Oh, you want to hear stripper songs!" I piped up. Silence and then laughter. You could tell they were trying to figure out if I was being critical or comical. But as things often go with me, the two are not mutually-exclusive propositions and I was indeed being both. Their laughter indicated they hadn't considered the possibility of an intersection of intents.

Talk quickly turned to One, Two, and Three explaining that they were from little towns, and Three's mother was 16 when she had her so Three really liked 80s music because her mother was young enough to be hip to it when she was little. (Three is 25ish.) Two laughed and reminded Three of how much fun Three had in grade school when Three's mother would, "...strap her in the backseat, buzzed, and go for rides with the top down." (Two and Three have been bffs for a LONG time.)

At some point Four got up to potty and Five went to recharge her lungs and heart. When Four sat down she did so announcing, "I can't wait until I get my first tramp stamp!"

PAUSE! For those of you unfamiliar with the D.A.W.B.isms, a tramp stamp is the derogatory term for a tattoo on a girl's tailbone. Called a tramp stamp because tramps are the only people who get them. The tattoo is a sort of "bulls eye" for guy when he pulls out to aim for when splooging ejaculate across her backside. MOST DAWBs are in serious fucking denial about what the tattoo implies regarding the elasticity of their nether region and take offense to the term. Not this group of classy DAWBs! UNPAUSE!

One and Three instantly agreed. They want one too. Two asked Four what she wanted her tramp stamp to be of. Four quoted some rap song, and saying the quote took 30 seconds. I'm not sure who she thinks is going to be spending that much time READING the small of her back. Maybe before she gets Future Baby Daddy #3 to toss her salad she figures he'll have something stimulating to read before he goes fishing for chocolate nuggets.

Two seemed to get that the tattoo would be a bit awkward and explained that she wanted something much more simple. A FUCKING CROSS! AH-HA! I'm sure she goes to church every Sunday too. It took the force of a thousand horses for me to restrain myself from asking her if she thought the Baby Jesus would like that very much. One, Three, and Four all agreed that a cross was a good idea. Two explained that she was a very "spiritual" person in that way.

And just in case I wasn't positive that it was my time to exit what I will loosely refer to as a conversation, Five sat down, looked at Four and shouted, "OH MY GAWD! You are wearing Tiffany with Juicy? That's a cardinal sin!"

So yeah. I'm certain that Tramp Stamps, LLC would be a huge success.

Sadly...

kd

Blackle...

2008-01-04T14:00:00.001-06:00

Even though I'm not an enviro-nut/lover/whatever-er, I do like doing anything I possibly can to lower my electric bill. Turning down the heater or AC isn't an option. This however is: Blackle!

It's google's low-energy version of their stark white search engine. The black screen requires fewer watts! Cool, no?

I'm So Excited

2008-01-03T13:30:00.000-06:00

Two of my favorite things in one video: Saved By the Bell and Religious mockery. You know the episode...

Owen DeGeneres?

2008-01-02T17:20:00.000-06:00

Some of you may know, although I doubt many have noticed, that I run 5 miles a day, 5 times a week. (Granted the frequency of 5 times a week is something that didn't start until October, but I've been running the 5 miles at least once a week all year long. Whatever.) I run at the gym, and when I run, I like to watch tv. (I did like to listen to music, but my minidisc player was involved in a tragic head on with the eliptical a few months back, so tv it is.) Normally I go to the gym when nobody is there so that I can watch what I want. Today there was a herd of New Years Resolution Runners in and out of the gym at 10 min intervals and I never got a chance to change the channel. Ellen happened to be on. Given that I could have been stuck watching General Hospital or All My Children, or the Young and the Hopeless, or whatever other soap happens to air at that time, I was fine with the selection. Now, it's been a while since I've seen an episode of Ellen, but I'm pretty sure I never noticed this before. I don't think the show had been on a full minute when the camera did a straight on shot of Ellen's face and it hit me! Ellen DeGeneres IS Owen Wilson:

See???

Ciao!
kd

God Only Knows

2008-01-02T01:48:00.001-06:00

My favorite song is, and has been, "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys. I could write an essay about why it is, but that's not the point of this post. (And for those who care why I decided to post this, I just finished listening to Pet Sounds for the millionth time. Greatest. Album. Ever.)

No, the point of this post is to address the routine reply to those who discover God Only Knows is my favorite song: "How can you like that song? You're an atheist!"

/sigh

True, but being an atheist does not make me a zeusophobe. So silly are people's assumptions that I often find myself quietly laughing as I walk away to compose myself/"run to the restroom". I hate to disappoint, but I'm not so blinded by my beliefs as to allow the mere mention of Him ruin the sounds of musical perfection. Especially not when the point of the song has nothing to do with God or even religion. Just because there are those who might turn a deaf ear to songs which decry, denounce, or simply question the existence of God, does not mean that I take the same attitude with songs that tacitly imply the existence of a god/God.

Truth be told, there aren't many subjects that come up in music that cause me to immediately reject the song without regard to the quality of the music itself.

Back to the point. I like music that makes my ears dance. There are plenty of songs that reference G-dawg or the Bible AND I seriously dig on a musical level: "Counting Blue Cars", "What if God Was One of Us", "Turn, Turn, Turn", "God Bless the Child", and I could go on for a while. I also don't care who a musician prays to.

...or who you pray to.

The bottom line is people amuse me. The silly things they say and assume amuse me. Without fail, statements pertaining to religion amuse me. "God Only Knows" - heck, the entire Pet Sounds album - is a work of musical and lyrical genius, and if you've never listened to the song or album... DO IT NOW! Seriously.

MUAH!
kd

A Fresh Start

2008-01-02T01:21:00.000-06:00

Just what I need, another blog. I know. I figured I may as well start one from scratch again. I've still got all my other blogs up, and will still use them and anything posted here will be mirrored on livejournal and myspace, and will be "fed" to facebook. I've just noticed that my lj account has turned into more of a "private" account where only 5 or 6 people even get to see 90% of my entries, my myspace account has digressed into absurdity, and my facebook notes have always been pretty mindless. My diaryland account was substantial, but I've locked it up because it's so old and the piles of digital crap that have amounted in it over the years merited its locking.

So tada! That's what's going on. Incase you care.

Ciao!
kd